In Marie Helene Bertino's first novel, Parakeet, an engaged woman's long dead grandmother visits in the form of a bird shortly before her marriage. Her grandmother, the parakeet, disparges the wedding dress ("you've got great gams, like me...show 'em off!”) then shits on it. She then tells her granddaughter not to get married but to reconcile with her long estranged brother. {This all happens within the first ten pages of the book so not really a spoiler.} The bride has been dragging her feet on all things wedding which led me wonder: does she even care about getting married? Why is she doing this?
Photo credit: Bianca Ackerman via Unsplash
What makes us move toward something like a wedding? The pressure to get married is intense but the financial benefits like tax breaks can also be a factor. But what about religion or guilt? Why do we do things like have kids, take a job, attend a ceremony (I didn’t walk at my undergraduate or graduate degree ceremonies for example), volunteer or shop at the same place? Why do we care?
I attended my high school graduation because I loved my school. A boarding school in the Berkshires, I was there for four years and it very much formed who I am and the values I hold. My college experience, in contrast, was a mashup of places and people. There’s little about it that stuck with it or continues to serve me. My graduate program felt more meaningful but as an older student, I never felt overly invested or even meaningfully guided. So social expectations or obligation are less a factor in why I care. But loyalty is a biggie. I have seen the same guy for my nails for almost ten years. I favor Monuts over Dunkin, Early Bird or Rise. I’ve worked for my boss, Nancy, for as long as my daughter has been alive. Mega fans of Eric, Lindsay + crew and Nancy and talk them up.
I feel the same way about attending ceremonies. I’m compelled to attend when I have a strong social connection. For me, those tend to happen in smaller contexts. Of course, I’m guilty of not trying very hard to connect in large organizations. Social butterfly I am not. As for businesses I care about, I ask myself if I would be sad if they were no longer there. Geer St Garden and The Scrap Exchange are good examples. Being aware that things can go away, is helpful for preserving them. These days I’m thinking of Democracy in America and all of our treasured freedoms that we have learned actually require vigilant protection.
So interesting, Susannah! It sounds like a “strong social connection” and awareness of how short lived some institutions can be are reasons you care. I hadn’t considered the future thinking aspect! Thanks for that and for chiming in here. <3
I definitely think it’s loyalty. But what is it that makes me loyal? I think about that a lot. I think it’s a feeling that the person/place/thing/idea is meaningful to me. Or maybe I give it meaning through my loyalty? Ah the struggle is real with this one!
Loyalty is a truly immense answer for me with this question. It's likely part of why I hold on longer than I "should". But I like your retort: "what is it that makes me loyal?" I'm going to think on that one.
I feel the same way about attending ceremonies. I’m compelled to attend when I have a strong social connection. For me, those tend to happen in smaller contexts. Of course, I’m guilty of not trying very hard to connect in large organizations. Social butterfly I am not. As for businesses I care about, I ask myself if I would be sad if they were no longer there. Geer St Garden and The Scrap Exchange are good examples. Being aware that things can go away, is helpful for preserving them. These days I’m thinking of Democracy in America and all of our treasured freedoms that we have learned actually require vigilant protection.
I like this a lot - “Being aware that things can go away, is helpful for preserving them.”
I liked that too, Holly.
So interesting, Susannah! It sounds like a “strong social connection” and awareness of how short lived some institutions can be are reasons you care. I hadn’t considered the future thinking aspect! Thanks for that and for chiming in here. <3
I definitely think it’s loyalty. But what is it that makes me loyal? I think about that a lot. I think it’s a feeling that the person/place/thing/idea is meaningful to me. Or maybe I give it meaning through my loyalty? Ah the struggle is real with this one!
Loyalty is a truly immense answer for me with this question. It's likely part of why I hold on longer than I "should". But I like your retort: "what is it that makes me loyal?" I'm going to think on that one.