My mother died in 2015 a few years after I had my daughter. My father is alive but often when I ask him something, he’ll claim he doesn’t remember or brush me off. I persist but also try to have minimal expectations when it comes to getting a response.
Here are a few questions I’d like to ask my mom:
What were perimenopause and menopause like for you?
How did things end with R____?
What family lessons or truisms did you learn growing up that were useful?
What would you ask a parent if you could? And of course, your parent doesn’t have to be dead for you to answer this. They might not be well enough to answer your questions or perhaps you aren’t in touch with them for your own mental health or safety. Whatever…it all “counts”.
My Mother died at 98 in 2018. She was a very strong Scottish lady . Prim and proper, but at the same time tough as nails! She was a world of information. Her grandparents came from Scotland to Durham for her grandfather to go into business with his close friend to work on the stonework at Duke and to open a company carving tombstones, many which still remain. Mother would visit Durham growing up. She knew so much! My Dad was born and raised in Durham so he also knew the history. I ride down the streets of Durham and think “ what used to be here? I will ask Mother” Sadly my question can no longer be answered . I regret not writing down all that she told me or pointed out. I am trying to make sure I write things for my children in case they ever want to know . Somehow I thought Mother would always be around to answer my many questions. She was sharp until the very end. How blessed we were to have her for so long! There is never enough time.
I love this response, June. Your Mother held knowledge that you wanted / needed. And up until the end, she knew the answers to whatever you asked. That feels rare and unusual but it seems like it shouldn't. Glad you're writing down things for your children. <3
I keep thinking about this question and originally I thought about what I would ask my mother. I think, for all sorts of reasons I’ve lost some curiosity there. Then I thought about my biological father and I have so many questions for him. More than I could probably ever know. Does he like picked and oysters and black licorice like I do? Does he laugh like me? Would he be happy to know me? Would he want to know me if he could? What advice would he have given me when I was a girl? The questions seem never ending some days…
These are great questions, Holly! It seems to me sometimes we just want the very basics from our parents. Nothing grand just something similar to "are we alike in ___ way?". Beautiful. Thanks for your response.
My Mother died at 98 in 2018. She was a very strong Scottish lady . Prim and proper, but at the same time tough as nails! She was a world of information. Her grandparents came from Scotland to Durham for her grandfather to go into business with his close friend to work on the stonework at Duke and to open a company carving tombstones, many which still remain. Mother would visit Durham growing up. She knew so much! My Dad was born and raised in Durham so he also knew the history. I ride down the streets of Durham and think “ what used to be here? I will ask Mother” Sadly my question can no longer be answered . I regret not writing down all that she told me or pointed out. I am trying to make sure I write things for my children in case they ever want to know . Somehow I thought Mother would always be around to answer my many questions. She was sharp until the very end. How blessed we were to have her for so long! There is never enough time.
I love this response, June. Your Mother held knowledge that you wanted / needed. And up until the end, she knew the answers to whatever you asked. That feels rare and unusual but it seems like it shouldn't. Glad you're writing down things for your children. <3
I keep thinking about this question and originally I thought about what I would ask my mother. I think, for all sorts of reasons I’ve lost some curiosity there. Then I thought about my biological father and I have so many questions for him. More than I could probably ever know. Does he like picked and oysters and black licorice like I do? Does he laugh like me? Would he be happy to know me? Would he want to know me if he could? What advice would he have given me when I was a girl? The questions seem never ending some days…
These are great questions, Holly! It seems to me sometimes we just want the very basics from our parents. Nothing grand just something similar to "are we alike in ___ way?". Beautiful. Thanks for your response.