#FridayQuestion: "To Whom Am I Indebted For The Woman* I Have Become?" *person

Mar 14

On page 2 of her memoir, Zami: A New Spelling of My Name, a Biomythography, Audre Lorde asks “To Whom Do I Owe The Woman I Have Become?”.

Zami, a text about her childhood, sexuality and relationships, is Lorde’s first published experience into memoir. Her previous books—The First Cities, Coal, The Black Unicorn - are all books of poetry. Lorde’s answers to her own question are surprising (an unwell neighbor she knew as a child) until they’re not (a white girl who ran up to Lorde’s car for help but ran away screaming when she saw Lorde’s face). It’s interesting to me that Lorde mentions people who played smaller roles in her life, not just what might be an obvious answer like “My Mother”. But it also feels very typically Lorde to clearly identify why some pain might stay with us for life, even influencing who we become.

My previous partner’s ex-wife comes to mind. He shared a truth with her that I’d once told him. She decided to tell me that she knew. I was sickened as she literally spat the words at me, inches from my face. A moment forever frozen in agony, not only from her glee but also because of his betrayal. The humiliation made me less trusting but more aware, too, of how pieces of people’s history or identity can be used to shame them. “Indebted” may be too generous a word for that second learning but you know what I mean. It shaped me.

But I also think of a middle school teacher, Paul Till, who gave me (a big nerd in glasses and Kmart clothes) the lead in a class play that he wrote. I was the court reporter, Jackie Jordash, in a futuristic People’s Court type tv show and part of my role was to chime in periodically with commercials. I don’t remember much from middle school but I remember Perfecto Toothpicks.

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Mr Till saw some potential in me that he seized on. And he made sure that I saw that he saw it Two gifts. I am forever indebted to him for giving me a chance to show up BIG even if I felt small. Mr Till somehow knew I could do it.

So I ask you, “To Whom Do You Owe The Person You Have Become?”

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