Recently, I’ve been writing about the early impact that my coach training program had on me. One of the most crucial elements of that training was the exercise I did in identifying my five-ish personal values in the “Fulfillment” class. In typical EMJ fashion, I took the idea and modified it. So instead of generic values like “faith”, “perseverance” or “charity”, that could apply to anyone; my coaching client walked away with one specific to her: “Italian Style Contentment” “Generous Power” and "Adventure Queen”. (Any former clients want to drop one of their values in the comments??) The values identification practice and then, in turn, living in those values, is a really powerful North Star for us. It’s a tool that 20+ years later I still use.
One of my own six values is “Restorative Home”. It’s the one that symbolizes safety, comfort and rest. Ideas that are crucial for all of us but especially abuse survivors who have spent / spend so much time being vigilant.
my back porch at home in Durham
At this time of year especially, “home” can mean many different things to us. I wonder what “home” (wherever that is, whoever is with you) looks like for you? Is anywhere “home” as long as your cat is there? Or does “home” have to include the antique hoosier you found at an estate sale, your first “real” piece of furniture? What does “home” look like for you? How do you describe it?
And- typically the end of the year is slow slow so I’m going to slow, slow and I’ll see you back here on Friday Jan 3!
Great question! Home for me is where I feel safe - and that's usually in my own apartment/house, surrounded by my books, my pets, and hanging out with my daughter. After living with my now-ex-husband for 18 years and enduring abuse and trauma, and then living with my ex-boyfriend for 4 years (and he treated me great), I've come to the realization that home must be SAFE and it is NOT safe if there is a man residing in it. My body can't handle it. It recognizes the trauma of those 18 years and I don't feel safe, no matter if the man is a good man or not. So. I've come to the conclusion that I cannot live with a man ever again and I am TOTALLY fine with that! I love my own space. I crave it.
I'm with you 100% on the safety piece of "home" being essential. 10 years with an often unpredictable alcoholic ex-partner who was often abusive will do that. I love that you recognize that about yourself and work with it, Melissa. <3 Thanks for sharing.
Great question! Home for me is where I feel safe - and that's usually in my own apartment/house, surrounded by my books, my pets, and hanging out with my daughter. After living with my now-ex-husband for 18 years and enduring abuse and trauma, and then living with my ex-boyfriend for 4 years (and he treated me great), I've come to the realization that home must be SAFE and it is NOT safe if there is a man residing in it. My body can't handle it. It recognizes the trauma of those 18 years and I don't feel safe, no matter if the man is a good man or not. So. I've come to the conclusion that I cannot live with a man ever again and I am TOTALLY fine with that! I love my own space. I crave it.
I'm with you 100% on the safety piece of "home" being essential. 10 years with an often unpredictable alcoholic ex-partner who was often abusive will do that. I love that you recognize that about yourself and work with it, Melissa. <3 Thanks for sharing.
“home” is indirect lighting, classical music, a hot cup of coffee, something delicious baking and a sleeping dog! ☺️🏡
LOVE THAT GORGEOUS SUNNY PORCH! OF YOURS!
Mmmmmm, yes. I especially like the piece about “indirect lighting”, so lovely in its specificity.