In early July a few weeks before I moved, a customer who I like came into Smitten. She was chatting with my boss. "And this election," she said, exasperated, "who am I supposed to vote for?!" In my mind, the non-rapist tends to be a better choice in most situations but this woman was perplexed. It was a draw. For her, neither candidate was a good option.
Some women felt hope after President Biden declined to run again and endorsed Kamala Harris. I felt the strongest of wants--a fever bubble of desire--for a candidate like Harris. Principled, bright, capable and kind. But I didn't feel the thing with feathers. There was no song. Perhaps if I'd felt less horror at the smart women who fawn over a man who wants to "protect them whether they like it or not," or the large-faced men who laugh at derogatory language about migrants and promises of violence wearing "it's ok to be white," t-shirts, maybe then I'd have felt more hope. But that ignorant aggression has only grown stronger over the past four years.
And indeed, this is who we are (except Black women, 92% of Black women voted for Harris): a nation who not only cares little for others but is okay with them being harmed, threatened or violated.
Not that women don't matter nor trans folks, people of color, differently abled folks. They do of course. I mean, does it matter why we have become this indifferent?
I don't know that it does.
For me, this question is similar to the domestic violence survivor asking me, "but WHY does he that?".
It's natural to inquire but the answer doesn't really matter. He's threatening/hitting/coercing/harming you and that's wrong. End of story. To understand why can feel useful but it doesn't change anything. Solving the mystery (if you even can) won't end the abuse. The only thing we can ever do is control our own behavior.
Maybe the "why" question, then, that we should be talking about is "why does ___ matter to me?". Why am I terrified for my daughter|trans friend|Puerto Rican neighbors|women? Have small conversations around one of those why's. Be more vocal about the personal why. At some point, when I ache less and feel stronger, I'll start there.
As always, I welcome your thoughts. (Unless you support(ed) the rapist/racist/fascist/convicted felon/dictator-to-be who was just elected president again.)
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#FridayQuestion: (How) Do we reconcile the lives of some mattering so little?
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In early July a few weeks before I moved, a customer who I like came into Smitten. She was chatting with my boss. "And this election," she said, exasperated, "who am I supposed to vote for?!" In my mind, the non-rapist tends to be a better choice in most situations but this woman was perplexed. It was a draw. For her, neither candidate was a good option.
Some women felt hope after President Biden declined to run again and endorsed Kamala Harris. I felt the strongest of wants--a fever bubble of desire--for a candidate like Harris. Principled, bright, capable and kind. But I didn't feel the thing with feathers. There was no song. Perhaps if I'd felt less horror at the smart women who fawn over a man who wants to "protect them whether they like it or not," or the large-faced men who laugh at derogatory language about migrants and promises of violence wearing "it's ok to be white," t-shirts, maybe then I'd have felt more hope. But that ignorant aggression has only grown stronger over the past four years.
And indeed, this is who we are (except Black women, 92% of Black women voted for Harris): a nation who not only cares little for others but is okay with them being harmed, threatened or violated.
This is us.
Philosopher and author
But does it matter?
Not that women don't matter nor trans folks, people of color, differently abled folks. They do of course. I mean, does it matter why we have become this indifferent?
I don't know that it does.
For me, this question is similar to the domestic violence survivor asking me, "but WHY does he that?".
It's natural to inquire but the answer doesn't really matter. He's threatening/hitting/coercing/harming you and that's wrong. End of story. To understand why can feel useful but it doesn't change anything. Solving the mystery (if you even can) won't end the abuse. The only thing we can ever do is control our own behavior.
As always, I welcome your thoughts. (Unless you support(ed) the rapist/racist/fascist/convicted felon/dictator-to-be who was just elected president again.)